How to be a Human
by thatswhyyyoudont
Summary: L x Light slash. When Ryuk is bored of watching Light, or, like now, when Light has had another raging fight with L and afterwards snarls at Ryuk to leave him alone, Ryuk drifts from human to human, watching them.
Humans are interesting to Ryuk. When he is bored of watching Light, or, like now, when Light has had another raging fight with L and afterwards snarls at Ryuk to leave him alone, Ryuk drifts from human to human, watching them.

He has seen Light and L fight so many times that he is bored of it. All humans have a taste for violence, but those two are like sharks that tasted blood since their first fight.

He stays with Light as he stalks home, to annoy him, but when they go inside, he drifts through the wall to spy on Chief Yagami, Souichirou, instead. The news plays on a small radio on his desk, something about the latest war, believed to be escalated by the Kira mania. Souichirou is hunched over the case notes regarding his son. He looks like an old, old man. His wife and daughter laugh downstairs, but he doesn't seem to hear them. Without taking his eyes from the pages in front of him, he dips into the bottom drawer of his desk and takes out an amber bottle to drink from. It is not the first time Ryuk has seen him do this. Souichirou is far from the first human to slowly destroy himself with their poison liquids. With the stress of the Kira case, Light's Father has begun to drink more and more, and his insides are starting to smell. Ryuk has seen this before. He gets bored and drifts away.

* * *

He leaves the Yagami household, and finds a poster for a Misa Amane concert. He has never been to a concert before.

The venue is steaming with sweat and stench and smoke. The crowd are squashed together like prisoners herded together, wet with sweat and delirium. They gaze up at Misa Amane, Misa Misa, Kira II, adoringly. She is wearing a half open and tied shirt of Light's that Light doesn't know she has. Her audience's eyes and teeth are wet and gleaming in the stage lights, the air hot with their bodies and their breath. Misa screams with delight and jumps into them. They bear her weight like she is a treasure.

Ryuk hasn't seen this before, but it is too hot and too noisy and too smoky to really tell what is going on, and to him it is just another form of violence. He leaves them to it.

He decides to pay a visit to everyone's favourite detective.

* * *

L. Lawliet, L, Rue Ryuzaki, Ryuga Hideki, etc. is interesting. Even if he is only talking on the phone in one of his seven languages in one of his strange sitting and/or working positions, his secret habits are always more interesting than the other humans.

He is alone now. He lies on his stomach in front of his laptop, stuffing his face with animal crackers with one hand and typing sporadically with the other. His screen jumps between Kira notes and a news report about a war, a different one to what had been on Souichirou's radio. He looks agitated. Ryuk guesses he has had to suspend his other activities since taking on the Kira case.

His phone buzzes once, and Ryuk sees it flash up Light's name. L frowns as he reads the message, but has thrown it aside with a scowl before Ryuk can hop over for a look. This is new. L does not normally throw or scowl. Humans are always more interesting when they are alone.

L finishes his animal crackers and gets up for more food, paces, fidgets, sits back down in a different position. He stuffs plain baking meringue nests into his mouth as he stares at the screen. He doesn't look at his phone again, and eats until Ryuk thinks he will choke.

Then he slams the laptop lid down with a ferocity unlike him, stands and leaves for the bathroom. Ryuk follows through the wall to see him on the floor with his knees around the toilet base and his fingers down his throat. Ryuk has seen this before, but he still watches with interest as L chokes out of himself the food he has consumed only moments before. It makes him heave and gag and occasionally cough up blood, but he never seems to do himself any long lasting harm.

This is one human behaviour Ryuk will never understand. He had even been curious enough to peruse a medical dictionary of Light's and confirmed his suspicions that it was indeed not a typical human behaviour, though he's not sure why, as it seems just as violent and destructive as the others. It was an _Eating Disorder,_ a _Bulimia Nervosa_ in particular, according to the descriptions in Light's book.

Ryuk watches L gulp water straight from the tap, then clean the tap, clean the toilet, clean the blood from his nails, clean his teeth. He regards his bloodshot reflection morosely, checking for anything that may give him away, and starts to undress for the shower. Ryuk leaves him to it.

* * *

Drifting through the outer wall of the building, Ryuk finds Quillish Wammy, Watari, on his smoking break. He smokes expensive cigarettes at the same time every day, unless he is elsewhere or occupied or not alone, like L and his bulimia, like Souichirou and his amber bottle.

The old man is oblivious. He looks almost happy, whilst his prodigy claws his throat out above him with strain his guardian built for him, leaving no trace save for a slightly overpowering smell of bleach. He stands upright and looks good for his age, but Ryuk can see that his lungs are black and shrivelling.

Ryuk is deciding where to go next when, from his vantage point from L's bathroom wall, he catches sight of Light. He can tell by his pace that the teen has calmed down. Watari and Light are hidden from each other by the building's angles, so they don't cross paths.

Ryuk hovers outside for a moment, debating on whether to give Light a break for once or to go inside. It's not like he can yell at him in front of others. But, he can withhold his apples.

He drifts back through the building just in time to see Light step through the elevator door. At the same time, L is stepping from his room in clean clothes and rubbing a towel through his wet hair. They both stop when they see each other and give the little animal start humans give when they don't expect to see each other.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Ryuk watches with interest. Violence is always simmering between these two, for obvious reasons, but they are rarely alone together. Ryuk wonders how far they will go.

But to his disappointment, they clear their throats and exchange polite words and get on with whatever it is they're supposed to be doing. He sometimes forgets, humans are as good as lying and cheating and pretending as they are at violence and wars.

L stares at an unchanging screen and eats like he's in slow motion. Light types things and then immediately deletes them and then types something else, then repeats the process. The furious keyboard clicks indicate someone who is working very hard. They keep looking at each other and looking away.

Ryuk is so bored he stops paying attention. He is looking out of the window wondering why Watari has gone for a second cigarette – it must be a special, or stressful, day – when he hears the grunt and the thud. He comes closer, and for a moment thinks they actually are fighting. It is different though. It is just as violent, but like they are fighting to get closer to one another, instead of pushing away. They are also doing something Ryuk has only seen Light do with Misa, or by himself.

Above L's head, the number increases by one day, as it does every day, but not usually until late, just before Light goes to sleep.

Ryuk laughs, he can't help himself, and Light's head jerks up. He meets Ryuk's eye over L's shoulder, wide eyed like he has been caught.

"Are you OK?" L asks him, feeling him jerk, like he has also forgotten how to lie or cheat or pretend that he doesn't care. The look on Light's face tells Ryuk he hears the give in L's voice. They are both not on form today. Light pulls the other man close to him, roughly, as if to compensate.

"Yeah," he says, glaring slightly at Ryuk. "Just, someone walked over my grave."

Ryuk grins and winks at Light and leaves the two of him alone. He has to consult Light's book again, but he's pretty sure he knows what's happening.

Yes, humans were _so_ interesting.


End file.
